Friday, July 8, 2011

4 Animals You Never Want To Meet

Animals? Shucks, those nice little puppies and cats? Why wouldn't I want to meet them? Because some animals are freaking hardcore, that's why. For the past thousands of years, we've been on the top of food chain, our cities and technology kept us on top, and salmon down in the river. Now despite of that, if I put you in a locked box with one of the the following animals, let's say the outcome won't be pretty. Now here's four animals you probably wouldn't want to wake up next to.

The list below is in no particular order.

The American Bear
"Look what I found just LAYING in the river! What great luck!"

Well, this is a no-brainer right? In our case, we're looking at the American Black Bear. Patriotic right?

The American Black Bear, is the most commonly found bear in, (Guess.) North America. These beast, are actually America's smallest species of bear, but that doesn't keep them from using your shins as toothpicks after eating you.

American Black Bears can weigh around 300 pounds depending on which coast you're on they can weigh a bit more, or less. Although some of the largest American Black Bears have reached the weight of 880 pounds, so make sure you don't find your way under one. They're known to be able to flip rocks weighing about 318 pounds with a single paw, so yeah, I think they might be able to pick you up with their pinkie-paw.

Well, I know what you're thinking in your head, "Sure he's strong, but can he run as fast as me?" Well shucks, I guess you're right. Oh wait, bears can run 25-30 miles per an hour. Some of the trained "world record breaking" athletics can reach the speeds of 27 mph, so chances are, you're not outrunning this Black Bear.

Lucky for you, American Black Bears tend to be considered relatively "safe". These bears rarely attack during human encounters. They tend to limit themselves to fake charges, swatting the ground angrily, and making loud blowing noises. But that doesn't mean you should charge up at the next bear you see as if you're Chuck Norris or something. If they decide to lay down justice, they will lay down justice.

The Black Mamba
"Yes? Can I help you?"

Ever watch Kill Bill? If you have, you would know that the Black Mamba is one hardcore snake. We've all heard of those stories of "the most deadliest snake in the world", they're great, why? Because they're all probably about the Black Mamba.

The Black Mamba contrary to common sense is a dull olive-grey color. They average at about 8 feet long from head to tail, which makes them technically taller then you'll ever be. (If they could stand of course, and if they could, we would have BIG problems.) They weigh about 3.5 pounds, so their lighter then a newborn baby, except you probably don't want to pick one of these little guys up.

Why is the Black Mamba so dangerous? As your momma doubtlessly told you, it's not the outside that matters, but what's inside that really is important. The Black Mamba venom is so potent, it can kill a fully grown man/woman within 20 minutes. (Although it usually is 30-60 minutes) Inside of these coiled up beast, is a venom so powerful that the mortality rate is practically 100%. So if one of them bites you, you better start getting into fetal position in the corner and cry yourself to sleep. The good thing is, there is indeed a anti-venom, the bad news is, you have up to an hour before you die from the venom. Since the Black Mamba is located in Africa, I doubt you'll find a 5-star hospital, fully equipped and staffed to treat you properly.

Here's the good news, they tend to avoid humans, and they are commonly found in sugarcane fields in Africa. So unless you plan a trip to Africa, to see how a sugarcane field operates, you should be fine.

Sorry, but did I mention that if I did want to get you, it's capable of moving 10-12 miles per hour? That makes it the fastest snake in the world too. So this guy claims two medals today.

Box Jellyfish
"How do you do?"

Box jellyfish? Sounds like a cute cuddly jellyfish in a shape of a box! In a sense, you're correct! Go ahead and give one a good great hug! I insist.

Box Jellyfish are known as one of the most dangerous animals in the world, and for a very good reason.

The Box Jellyfish's venom is known to attack the nervous system, the heart and the skin at the same time. This isn't your grandma's old cat bite, this is big boy stuff. The venom is known to be extremely quick to act, some people have died in as much as 3 minutes after getting stung (Beat that Black Mamba!), which is much quicker then any snake, insect or spider! Don't think it's a painless death though. I promise you it's not. People that are stung experience excruciating pain before dying as little as a few breaths later.

People have been known to fall into cardiac arrest before reaching shore or even a boat. If you can tell, going into cardiac arrest is not a pleasant experience, if you don't know what it is, it's the 'stop of blood circulation in the body due to the failure of the heart to contract effectively'. One can assume it won't feel like winning the lottery and the girl of your dreams inside of a gold encrusted ice cream house.

An anti-venom is available, but it has to be administered very quickly. Hospitals and ambulances near box jellyfish infested areas readily have it on hand. Although, the venom is so powerful, even if the victim gets to shore, they may die before the ambulances even arrive.  

The Violin Spider
Look! A map, nothing scary here!

Aww, isn't that cute? He play's the violin doesn't he? Cute little bugger right? Not at all. The Violin Spider, or the better known as the Brown Recluse Spider. If you're afraid of spiders, I suggest you skip this one, because this spider is not a good-looker.

They're usually really un-aggressive and many homes have had the honor of being infested with them without any harm to the people owning the house.

If you find one of these lucky buggers, don't panic, they tend to not bite people unless they are pressed directly onto the skin, people mainly get bitten when putting their socks or their shirt on. These spiders usually enjoy hiding around, as if playing a friendly hide and seek game with you, except instead of tagging, horrific bites.

But, if you messed with the wrong Brown Recluse that's having a bad day, just got divorced, or got fired from his/her job, you'll be in for a treat. The venom of the Brown Recluse is known, but uncommonly have the ability to cause Necrosis. In severe cases, you may find yourself with dying flesh at the location of the bite. I don't mean a few skin cells scraping off, but full blown skin and flesh rotting away at the bite. In extreme cases, the damaged tissue may become "gangrenous" (Don't look it up on the internet, trust me.) Which means that such a large amount of tissue has died off, (Like fingers, hands, feet) that there is an increased chance of having to get a amputation. (Like 800%)

Let's not over-exaggerate everything though okay? In most cases, you'll experience simple symptoms of nausea, vomiting, fever, rashes, and muscle/joint pain. Easy-peasy, just like a bad cases of the Mondays. Also, the Brown Recluse's fangs are so small, that it can't penetrate most fabric, not even socks. The small fangs may contribute to the reason that its extremely rare to have large/horrible reaction towards it. So you can rest easy tonight friend.

Before I end this one, I wanted to say that these spiders are actually really common in southern states in America. These spiders are really adaptable and difficult to kill, they can even survive 6 months of extreme drought and almost zero food. They can survive after losing limbs and there is little known methods to kill them effectively other then a good smack with the good ol' shoe. (Although they tend to be hundreds. Better get two shoes handy.)

Fun fact, chemicals that don't kill the Brown Recluse will break down parts of their nervous system. That's good right? Nope, not at all; If the chemicals don't kill the Brown Recluse, it will usually induce aggressive behavior, which will set the stage for "revenge" which includes a few "kisses" while you sleep.

That's pretty darn horrible, you gotta admit. Imagine waking up with that in your mouth? Pennies taste pretty bad you know.

Pro-tip? Don't move south.

Blog Archive