Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Victory That Is... Pie

Did you say cake? Pish posh! You might as well feed me a sugary sponge! Well whatever shall I enjoy then as a delightful dessert to tickle my stomach fluids? Why pie of course! From the simplicity of apple pie to the decadence of pecan, pie is the multifaceted food of your life, and your future...

I know, your head just exploded. Then it reformed and ate this.

So, why pie? Is it time for a list? Yes, I'll take one please, hold the whipped cream.

1. Pie is delicious - Does this even need describing? Pies are like supermodels, except if you eat them it's morally okay. They are filled with amazing things like blueberries, sugar, fairies, custard and fairies. Well, maybe not the latter, but the rest is definitely there.

2. Pie is universal - You can eat pie for breakfast. You can it eat it for lunch. You can eat it for dinner. You can eat it for dessert. You can eat it for a 2am snack. You can eat it for second breakfast. "But wait Eddard, I don't like Mississippi Mud Pie for breakfast! I want sausages and eggs!" Guess what? You can put that in a pie. I repeat you can put that in a pie. Holy moley. There are so many more types of pies than sweet ones, Steak and Kidney pie, Shepherd's pie, Chicken pot pie, the possibilities are endless. Cake, that's just sweet, and sweet is for nincompoops. (Yes pies can be sweet, no you are not a nincompoop for liking them, no more questions about this)

Cake looks like a spider's face. Yeah, try eating it now, spider face eater.

3. Pie looks good - Pie, it's latticed, its stuffed, its got those ridges on the edges, it's designed to make your senses blow up. Literally, if your nose hasn't blown off your face after smelling a good pie, you either don't have a functional nose or it must be cake. But what if it was a bad pie? Well if such a thing is even possible, get another, two bad pies in a row has the same chance of happening as Inception. (I heard Inception was impossible, so let me know if anyone has yet to succe... Hey, what?!)

Pie. Even the word looks delicious. So go out you whimsical person you, and enjoy a slice. Or a quarter, or half, or a whole pie. Maybe two. Or twelve. I won't judge you, Scout's honor. 

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