Thursday, July 14, 2011

Doing your dishes the right way

I have only ever met one person on this lovely planet who enjoys doing dishes, and she is a weird little person. Dishes are the bane of many a man's (or monkeys, they may do dishes too, don't be a species-ist) existence; They are disgusting, they are sticky, they smell terrible, they contain the remnants of your Auntie Muriel's three bean meat surprise casserole, oh, and you get to clean all of them! Might as well change your name to Lucky. Anywho, you want to be done as soon as humanly (again with humans, we need words that incorporate animals, like turtlely, or snail.) possible. And here are the ace ways to do it. Oh, one more thing, dishwashers are cheating.

I don't think I need to describe what's happening here.

1. Use soap that cuts grease - You clean dishes with soap (and if you don't, please do not clean my salad bowl with that shoe you found on the corner), but you need the right soap. Hand washing soap, standard cleaning soap or lotion infused lavender lathers will not be as effective as a dish washing, grease cutting soap, such as Dawn. This will allow you to rub down dishes effectively without too much effort to remove that delectable cheese sauce.

2. Scrub with a (for lack of better word) scrubber or steel wool - Do not use a sponge. Now that we've settled that, try a dual layered scrubber, one side foam for gentle washing and nonstick dishes, the other side a rougher fabric for more hardy filthy-filthies. Steel wool can be used in extreme cases, while brillo pads can also be used. Be sure to note that brillo pads have a heavy duty soap in them, which you will have to rinse off and soap with your normal dish washing soap for it to be safe.

3. If dirt is too stubborn soak it in hot water - Dishes must always be washed in hot water for sanitary purposes. If a particular grease, oil, or burnt on object is being too stiff, let it sit covered in hot water for a few minutes, letting the heat ease the dirt off of the dish gently. It may still not come off easily without some hardcore scrubbing, but it will certainly require much less effort than without a soak. If possible, always let dishes soak, it will make life much easier. Yes, soaking dishes will improve your entire life, including relationships, sleep and math.

So, there are some basic tips for some easy squeezey lemon peezy dish washing. "But Eddard, how do you wash dishes?" Well, here goes:

1. Start with plates, leaving the water off. Scrub all large plates and place upon counter.
2. Next comes bowls, cleaning then stacking upon the plate.
3. Cups, followed by utensils. Place soapy utensils inside cups and place on counter
4. Pots and other large dishes come last, unless they are obstructing my way to the dishes I clean first.
5. Place all dishes or as many as you can fit into sink and rinse. The water that you don't use while it's on will fall upon the soapy dishes and rinse them, thus they will be faster to rinse and save water. Green dishes, yeah.

Dishes are a pain, yes, but it is certainly a manageable one. As much as they can frustrate one, with these few pointers, they can become quite the doable task for the willing, so get out there and wash something! Or don't, I totally understand why.

Auntie Muriel appreciates your cleaning. Time for a big wet kiss now!

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