Tuesday, December 27, 2011

An Argument Against Multitasking

We're all busy people right? At the given opportunity, wouldn't it be better to hit two birds with one stone? To nail that upcoming final essay and build a sailboat with good ol' grandad? Of course! What could possibly go wrong with that? For one, you may find that both birds are only moderately injured and they come back with an avian army with a vengeance. Maybe you should have used two proper stones instead. Maybe six-ten stones to make sure they were dead would have been better.

Maybe calling your friends to bring their guns over would be a even better idea.

Recently, due to the technical buzz of the recent decade, people have found it more productive to do two, three things at once. But rather than support these self-destructive tendencies, we shall challenge them. Bluntly stated, multitasking is one of those things that accomplish the complete opposite of what you want to get done. The main idea of multitasking is getting the maximum amount of things done in a allotted amount of time. The problem is, you'll probably end up doing below your average levels of productivity by trying to do two or more tasks at once. Why? we'll tell you.

First off, you weren't multitasking in the first place; your brain simply cannot do two conscious tasks at the same time. In reality, your brain is actually doing one task and quickly transitioning to another so quickly that you cannot perceive it. When you're driving your car and texting on your phone, you're actually switching between texting and driving with the help of visual cues, (Such as bright headlights shining into your dashboard as you drive onto the wrong road) auditory cues, (Such as your phone ringing to alert you that somebody has responded to your hilarious comments) and other such cues from your various senses.

Maybe those cute owl pictures can wait until after you escape a high-speed pursuit by terrorists.
Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Why, hello there again. As you know, it's the end of the year and almost the start of the new one. But strangely enough, I believe that this weekend happens to include both Christmas Eve and Christmas. A yearly commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ or another day to give gifts, sing songs, eat food, and love each other. Regardless of your reason for celebrating Christmas or even how you do it, it's one of those holidays meant to be enjoyed and remembered. Because of this, we wish you a Merry Christmas from this side of the internet, into your glowing computer screen.

On another note, we won't post any articles until the holiday is over on Monday. Why? Because Christmas is no time to be on the computer, reading strangely awesome articles from your neighborly blog, Skyakes. (Sadly enough.) Go and enjoy your weekend; we'll see you on Monday.

Merry Christmas,
Skyakes' Staff

Thursday, December 22, 2011

3 Crazy Ways To Boost Your Immune System

As you know, it's winter. Thanks to the support of corporate advertisements on the media, you also know that everybody gets sick during the winter and therefore you should must buy brand-named tissues with expensive lotion inside of them. Putting those lotion smeared napkins aside, nobody wants to get sick right? Of course! You're a busy guy/gal with things to do and people to see; you don't have time for a nasty cold to punch you in your face when you least expect it. Below, I'm going to give you three "out-of-this-world" methods of boosting your immune system.

Unless they find you beyond this world.

Get Sick More Often

Don't worry, that's no typo. If you want to boost your immune system, don't fall into the social-norm of avoiding as much microbes as possible. Instead, expose yourself to as many diseases (non-fatal ones, obviously) as possible, in order to build up your passive defense. Do you enjoy sanitizing your phones and door knobs every weekend? Of course not! Just don't do it and embrace the disease! It's like taking the disease head-on, to settle the score once and for all.

Depicted: Being weak-sauce.
Monday, December 19, 2011

3 Of The Worst Gifts Ever To Give On Christmas

As you can probably deduce from your cheery surroundings, Christmas is almost here. It's about time to reach deep in your pockets and buy gifts for the people you most care about. But before you pull out those glass pencil holders, allow me to introduce to you, the four worst gifts to ever gift to anyone. (Unless you despise them secretly and you wish to act passive aggressive towards them.)

3. Trinkets At The 99-Cents Store

What's that? A shiny glass pencil holder that I'll probably never use? Gee, thanks, I'll certainly use it- for a week. One thing that people love buying for their friends, co-workers, and even families at last moment occasions are small-to-large, moderately cheap items they find at the local dollar store or grocery store. We've all seen these gifts; they range from pens/pencil holders, elaborate snow globes that are malformed, or even a dozen "business" pens that have ink equivalent to the amount of water on the sun.

Why do they suck? First things first, the fact that you picked up the gift from your local dollar store shows almost no effort in gift buying. Worst yet, the gifts usually cost next to nothing,  usefulness equal to the cost, and physical quality striping any practical use of it. (If you can find any use for it in the first place.)

This, is a fire truck.
Thursday, December 15, 2011

How To Survive a Long Fall

Haven't we all wondered what we would do in the worst case scenario of falling from a ten-story-building or plane? Of course you have, those horrifying nightmares of falling into the deep abyss, shortly before waking up and grabbing your bed in sheer terror have taught you better. But before you turn away and exclaim that surviving a ten-story fall is impossible, allow me to point out the hundreds of people that have survived even greater falls, after falling in a specific manner. (Both intentionally, and unintentionally.) So the next time you're standing six floors above the ground, remember these steps.

It'll be like this, but the smiles and excitement would be replaced by death.

1. Slow down your fall

Considering that earth's acceleration due to gravity is 9.81 m/s^2, you might want to consider slowing down your fall. But it obviously can't be as easy as snapping your heels together and expecting to find yourself in a luscious green forest alone. Actually, it can. All you need to do (and can do) is attempt to increase your surface area in order to allow good ol' air resistance to work its magic.

All you need to do is to spread yourself out, stomach facing the earth, head and legs reaching for the skies, arms outstretched, elbows and knees slightly bent, and you're as good as gold. You may have seen this position in the thousands of movies that have included sky diving, the difference is, you don't have a parachute. You can actually shave off up to 80 mph off your speed as you reach terminal velocity if you stay in this position instead of going head/feet down.

So, no. They don't do this to simply look lame.

However this step only applies to you if you're certain that you have 30 seconds or more of air time otherwise, you'll just end up landing in a awkward position.

Also: While you're anticipating impact, find a nice place to land

If all you see below you are large slabs of cement, you can attempt to direct your body towards another direction. As you can probably guess, hard, rough surfaces are possibly the worst places you can land. Look for long slopes or soft surfaces that can help absorb some of the force. Also, remember that when you're trying to move around, don't act like you're swimming in water; staying in the position described above, simply twist your body towards the direction you wish to go, like a plane or bird.

Did you know: If you fall from an airplane, you can get up to three minutes of fall time, which can give you a few miles of turning space before you hit the ground.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Horrifying Tuesday : Antlion

It's that time of the week again, Horrifying Tuesday. Today, we're going to talk about a creature that brings your sand-dune-sink-hole nightmares to a reality. (On a miniature scale of course.) Allow me to introduce you to the Antlion or better known as, the "doodlebug" due to the mysterious marks it leaves behind in the sand. (Which happens to resemble doodles in the sand by young child)

These lines must indicate that young-hearted fiends are nearby!

With no relation to the Antlion in the Half-Life series, these creatures are well known for their sand pit traps which comprise of capturing small, unsuspecting creatures in a rapidly decaying pits. It all starts with a humble-sized larva and its basic instinct in the big, bad world. The larva would dig a pit into the sand about 2 inches deep and 3 inches wide at the edge, creating a downward-facing cone shape in the sand. (Unless they manage to bend the laws of physics and make the sand particles stand with magic.)

Luckily for you, these are the video game versions.
Monday, December 12, 2011

4 Of The Most Annoying Facebook Posts

Chances are, you live in the 21st century, and if you do, you've probably heard of this website called Facebook. (If you haven't, it's a a wonderful marketplace for selling pastries and popsicles. You should check it out.) Inside of this website, it is likely to find millions of little devious creatures of the night that scratch comments onto mystical contraptions called "walls". Today, we're going to discuss the top four most annoying Facebook posts that are commonly seen in modern culture.

4. Passive Aggressive Posts

We can usually observe these activities among the weaker portion of the species. (Although all members are still susceptible) Late at night, often exhausted and beyond the normal capacity of logic and reason, these lifeforms fall into the perfect conditions needed to strike their foes passively with little to no shame or regret. Through extremely vague terminology, analogies, quotes, poems, we can easily discern the difference between these passive aggressive passages towards unknown individuals and   everyday articles from mom and pop. Here are some examples:

  1. "wtf. i wish he would just leave my life 4ever."
  2. "go shoot yourself."
  3. "i saw her with him again today. if only i had a car........ rofl jk........... 6_6"

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Horrifying Wednesday : Blowfish (Fugu)

We've all heard of the legendary Fugu pufferfish, one of the world's most poisonous fish that people actually consume without being severely beaten and threaten first. Why's that? Because almost the entire fish is toxic and will murder you horribly. Now, without further ado, I present you the Fugu.

"I do not respect you." - Fugu

In Japanese, "Fugu" literally means "river pig" and is commonly used to refer to the "pufferfish" in general. This fish is well known for it's lethal neurotoxins that can kill you in the worst way possible. So if neurotoxin didn't quite scare you off yet, hopefully death by asphyxiation will. If digested, the toxin will paralyze muscles, and muscles only. What this means is that you'll remain perfectly conscious throughout the entire process before you die. The method in which you will die is simply put, suffocating in air.

When I said that the toxin will paralyze you, I wasn't talking about that awesome buzz you get from drinking, I'm talking about every single muscle in your entire body, including your lungs and heart. Eventually, your body will be unable to provide enough oxygen to the body from both inadequate oxygen intake by your lungs, and inefficient oxygen distribution via. heart. So while you won't feel a thing, you'll practically fall into a motionless, immovable sack of flesh as you slowly black out as you watch everyone scream in panic and point at you. For this same reason, Fugu is the only food that is officially forbidden for the Emperor of Japan for his own safety and was banned in multiple time periods in Japan and currently banned in the European Union.

Such deliciousness!
Monday, December 5, 2011

3 Effects Of Sleep Deprivation - Why You Should Sleep Earlier

When was the last time you've had a full 8 hours of sleep? Last night?! Well never mind then mister "I sleep a healthy average of hours deemed healthy by doctors around the world", obviously you're too good for us everyday Jills and Jims. For everybody else in the world, we probably sleep a little less than what doctors recommend, which is 10 hours for children, 9 hours for teenagers, and about 7-8 hours for adults. But what's the harm, right? What's the worst that could happen?

You could spontaneously combust. There's food for thought.

3. Weaken Immune System

Remember your good ol' immune system? How it would take care of you day and night, ensuring that parasites, viruses, bacteria, and fungi don't simply march into your body and start decomposing you while you're still alive? Well, regardless of how many vitamins and exercises you eat or do, (Surely, you don't exercise vitamins) your body can still become susceptible to disease by simple things you fail to do daily. Ranging from basic hygiene to your mind-set, your conscious and unconscious mind can play a big role in the physiology of your working, functioning body.

One sure-fire way to weaken your immune system is to deprive your body of sleep. Instead of allowing your body to re-build it's natural defenses and fight the evils of the world another day, you can sit around on your computer all day and slowly destroy your immune system. The result is as obvious as for any weaken immune system; you'll find yourself contracting diseases more often and that the diseases last much longer in your body due to your body's inability to fight the disease quickly and effectively. Sounds like fun, sign me up.

Congratulations, you are now a proud owner of a weaken immune system.
Thursday, December 1, 2011

4 Common Forms of Gang Initiations

Since the humble beginnings of mankind's need to group together and mankind's need to join such groups, people have created some form of "rite of passage" to test a individual's loyalty and willingness to abide by the group's code of ethics and rules. On the other hand, you get to make people do ridiculous things that you can all laugh about a few weeks later. Thankfully for gangs, they won't ask you to do "ridiculous" tasks such as wearing underwear on your head for the next two weeks; they'll expect you to accomplish big tasks or endure large challenges in order to earn lifetime membership of said gang. Four common gang initiations are listed below.

If only it was as easy as this.

4. Beat Down

The most common form of gang initiation is one you would expect from these type of people. In order to prove yourself as worthy to be in said gang, you must endure getting beat up by either a specific large individual, or the entire gang itself. I'm not talking about a little "middle-school" round of bloody knuckles either, you could (will) be thrown against the ground, jumped on repeatedly, smashed in the face a hundred times, kicked in the privates another hundred times, and punched in the gut all while people hold you down and restrain you. (Some gangs may even use weapons such as baseball bats)

Some more recent gangs have resorted to even more barbaric initiations.

If you're lucky, you could expect a couple bruises on your face and back along with a few scrapes and cuts on your legs. In other cases, you could be beaten to the point of permanent psychological and/or physical damage. Worst yet, some people have been known to die from such initiations.

Alterations have been made of this initiations such as receiving a single semi-fatal blow into the sternum, being forced to fight and beat your future gang "amigos", fighting your way out of a circling group of pain and even picking up randomly dispersed pennies off the ground as you push through a crowd of gang members trying to beat your eyes out of their sockets.