Saturday, July 30, 2011

About You

A post dedicated about you, the reader? Why that's just preposterous! This post isn't about you specifically; So you can calm down about me revealing that secret about that time you soiled your pants before recital and I covered for you. That's between us. This article is pretty much, the collective information I have about all my readers. So don't worry, I don't know where you keep your "secret pictures".

"I better move these files anyways, just in case."

According to my statistics, 44% of you use Chrome! Saaay what? You could say that Google is really getting ahead in the 'browser' competition. How about the rest? The number two competitor, is 24% with Internet Explorer. Come on guys, step into the future. Scratch that, the present. At very least, I hope you're using Internet Explorer 9. Because if I find our that you're still using that old 1873 era browser, I will find you.

"Oh really?"

A close runner up is Firefox. Which takes up 22% of our views. It seems that people are really "digging" the minimalist format of Google. It's basically a URL bar, a couple tabs and a few bookmarks. So there's a few pointers for you Microsoft.

Ignoring other browsers, one of them that I found interesting was "SimplePie". What in the world is that? After about 4 decades of research into the human psychology and back, I discovered that it was a RSS reader. (Actually, it was more of a single search on Google.)  Although it sounds cute to see on the internet, and cute to say in your head, imagine saying you use that application in real life. "Hold on, I'm going to check if this awesome new blog called Skyakes, has any new posts this morning with SimplePie." What you can easily suggest is, you won't look like Jack Bauer stepping across a ocean of terrorist bodies with wind blowing your hair around while saying that.

"Hold on, I'm going to check if this awesome new blog called Skyakes, has any new posts this morning with SimplePie; Then, I'll kill you."

While Google seems to be taking over the browser market, Microsoft claims 89% of our views with the Windows Operating System. I mean, who their right mind uses a Mac right? Kidding aside, the Mac operating system only claims 2% of our view count. What does that mean? It means nothing. Please continue reflect on the purpose of life and the reason of existence for a brief moment before continuing this post.

Hello! I see that you've returned from your life-altering journey in deciding your purpose in life that you experienced briefly a few moments ago. Welcome back!

"But now, life as no meaning." - You

Pictured: You

To continue our post, let me finish with this portion, by saying that our largest view count majority is from the United States of America, So yeah, lets "fist bump" on that. We also have 16 views from Germany, so hello German friend! Feel free to deposit ten dollars into my bank account if you enjoyed this post.

But what could possibly be our most popular posts? Perhaps my post supporting capital punishment was it? (Post does not exist. Sorry if that let you down.) Before you explode in excitement, here are our top five posts.

1. 3 Foods You'll Never Afford (Read it here: [1])
2. Tips On Cooling Your Mouth After Eating Spicy Foods (Read it here: [2])
3. How To Choose a Bad Password (Read it here: [3])
4. Five Words To Instantly Make You Sound Intelligent At Anything (Read it here: [4])
5. Bees: The Most Important Animal In The World (Read it here: [5])

Feel free to take a break from these mind-boggling statistics by reading the post above in blissful happiness.

Want to know another fun fact? We've almost doubled in view counts since we first started this blog. What does that mean? It means you should email/text/facebook/the thing you kids do now days/AIM all your friends about Skyakes. Because at Skyakes, we'll blackmail you if you don't.©

Well, if you want to keep reading Skyakes on the road, we also have a feed at: OurSuperAwesomeFeedsThatAreWayBetterThenAnythingYou'veEverSeenInYourLife.Org Just in case you're feeling a little bit too adventurous, and decide you need to "pip" it down a little, go ahead and read a few posts.

Look, this is basically a project started in a garage. (Not an actual garage. Garages creep me out.) We aren't a massive organization of super-companies looking to create a New World Order. Because if we were, we wouldn't tell you.

Help us spread the word by liking this post below, or like any of our other posts. It's much appreciated\.

Here's a picture of a cute bunny as a reward. (If you have not done this, please insert computer monitor in a trash receptacle immediately.)

Note: This is one of my "shorter" posts, since I decided to address a few things, and it wouldn't really fit along with the post I planned for today (101 ways to commit manslaughter and get away with it). So bear with us, we'll get some more content along the way soon.

Fun fact: We usually post around midnight everyday.

Bear with us.

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