Friday, July 22, 2011

Six Reasons To Not Piss Off Telemarketers

Haven't we all had that awkward feeling during the afternoon, when a telemarketer calls you and asks if you're satisfied with medical insurance the fifth time in the past two hours? Don't we all feel like threatening his children and family with very harsh sadistic words after the fourth call? Although in a usual case I would help you track down and kidnap the Telemarketer's children, this time we're going to look at reasons to spare his family and house at expense of a "humane" approach.

*Insert loud explosions here*

Now that I have your attention, allow us to break dance to extreme rock music look at reasons not to murder the person on the other side of the line after they've called us multiple times about our life insurance. Instead of smart remakes like "You're going to be the one that needs life insurance if you keep calling me." Lets reason our way out of manslaughter.

Because once you're in jail, everybody rapes you.

1. They're humans too. Contrary to popular belief, it's actually a human behind the phone. A human with the same problems you have, they've got bills to pay, medications to take, children to take care of, and plans to retire. 

Telemarketers are basically "telephone marketers", or "telephone salesmen". If a businessman pestered you to buy a car in real life, would you curse Bloody Mary at them in front of everyone around you? It's the same thing with "internet bullies", since it's over the internet, it feels like they cannot physically harm you and you might feel "safe" to say almost anything you want. Which brings me to my next point.

2. It's their job. Do you think they're having loads of fun calling hundreds to thousands of people, repeating the same two sentences, and getting hung up on almost 90% of the time all day long? It's not fun, but they have to do what they need to do to bring food to the table when they get home.

Don't think a rich middle-aged man does this type of job for the thrill of it. You do what you gotta do to bring home the dough, and so do they.

Not Pictured: Rich Middle-Aged Man After Calling You Six Times In a Row For Two Hours

3. What about those dirty, no good telemarketers that keep calling me every 15 minutes? Either they've decided to use it as a "tactic" for you to buy something, or their "phone number machine is broken". If it's the machine's problem, then you probably shouldn't be telling him to hang himself with his own esophagus. If it's a tactic, then although how annoying it may be, it continues to be in the goal of bringing the chicken home for the family. Which is a noble enough goal not to kill them for, right?

4. What if their goal is to rack-up the cash and retire early? Isn't that your goal too? Don't you work so that you can one day, not work? Or do you prefer a job in which you work for the next eighty years of your life in till death? Remember, it's just a guy behind the phone.

Just doing a honest days work.

5. Still not convinced? If worst comes to worst, you can simply sign up at the National "Do Not Call Registry" at "" Which will give commercial telemarketers a "no-go" to call you, otherwise you can file a complaint and get them in trouble. So remember, tracking down and murdering everyone in the local area of the telemarketer isn't the only option to stop the calls. (After registering with your phone, commercial telemarketers have 31 days to remove you from their systems.)

6. Don't many people agree it's simply hilarious to "prank" a telemarketer? I mean, first we make them think that they're going to land a sale, then waste their time for twenty minutes before abruptly hanging up? Hilarious, you'll be the talk of the school. Doesn't every salesmen love those quirky love-filled jokes, where they are hoping to finally make a sale to avoid losing his or her job after not making any sales for the past two weeks? He'll be cracking up in laughter as he waits in line at the unemployment center.

It's not a harmless joke, any grown man will tell you, "time is money". Unless you're some eleven-year-olds that invited some 'cute' 'big girls' over to your house, and you want to impress them by pissing off some telemarketers. In that case, go ahead. Also, you'll be able to tell your other eleven year old friends how cool you are over the internet on "Counter-Strike: Source" with big boy sentences like
"So I called the telemarketer and told him to hang himself with the toaster he was trying to sell me because of how little of a life he has. rofl right?" 
All your friends will adore you! Your life is totally not dependent on the approval of your peers, not at all! Good going Mischievous Tim!

They love it!

  • Telemarketers are not allowed to call you after 9 PM, and before 8 AM.
  • Telemarketers are not allowed to block "user ID"
  • If you have a complaint about someone or a business, you can file a complaint at
  • For every corpse, there is a perfectly suited swamp to dispose of it in.

Blog Archive