Thursday, August 18, 2011

4 Reasons To Own A 50.Caliber Anti-Material Sniper Rifle

You know what's the big gift of 2011? Anti-material sniper rifles. It's the rage for the almost everyone age group! I mean, they're sold out in almost every corner store imaginable. But for some strange reason, some people believe that we shouldn't put anti-material rifles in the hands of everyday Joe. Obviously, they are terrorist. Because only terrorist would want to remove that spark in your little boy's eye when he opens his Christmas present, and find a McMillan Tac-50 sniper rifle.

4. DIY Pest Removal

Don't we all hate those annoying ants/cockroaches/rats living under your floor? All of them running amuck in your house, throwing parties while you sleep, all while not even contributing to the rent. If only there was a sure-fire way to get rid of them. See, pest-removal services cost a pretty dime, but a single .50 BMG 12.7x99mm NATO round will only set you back a few bucks.

So lets say you have rats and they've been running around excreting their feces everywhere, smearing as much as they can on your couch, and you know where their nest is located. Would you rather get on all fours with a broom in hand, or fire a single .50 caliber bullet into the wall, effectively destroying the entire nest with everything in it. Those rats are going be too busy being dead, to be coming back anytime soon.

"What rats?"

3. Sound Suppressor

"Woah. You're going to tell me a 50. caliber sniper rifle is going to make sounds go away?" Yeah, I am. Weapons in general have been used in the past for various sound suppressing missions. Regardless of the sound being a rebel revolt, or Uncle Jim's wood chipper.

Lets say you wake up in the morning with a huge migraine. Aunt Martha just so happens to decide to cut down that oak tree in the driveway in the same day. Instead of going outside, to the bitter cold, and yelling at your poor aunt, use a anti-material rifle. Simply take the device and point at the source of noise. Repeat as necessary. 

"The earth was making too much noise, so I took care of it."

2. Self Defense

So you're walking down the street, hitting the clubs during the weekend. Suddenly, a man in a trench coat takes a knife out and demands your money. Suddenly, you're on the street and penniless. How are you going to pick up some ladies now? If only you had a 50. caliber sniper rifle.

It's pretty obvious how a gun can be used for self-defense. See something you don't like? Point at the said object, and pull squeeze the trigger. What's this? You're trying to rob me? Oh wait, you cease to have a head due to this 50. caliber bullet sitting in your neck.

"Lets see you rob me without a spinal cord."

1. Landmine removal

Every neighborhood has that single flaw, some have bullies, some have druggies, others have landmines. If you live in such neighborhood, you should either move away, or get ready for a long day of "demining". Some people have resorted to throwing rats and dogs at landmines in order to trigger them, at a safe distance. The elegant, more humane method is this lovely anti-material sniper rifle.

Now, you can easily remove landmines miles away, at the safety of your own home. Simply point ant shoot at desired landmine. The bullet will render the landmine useless after it explodes in a cinematic fashion.

Pictured: Honest depiction of a landmine explosion 

Now friends, don't concern yourself with those silly hippies trying to convince you not to own a piece of the American dream, get a 50. caliber anti-material sniper rifle today!