Thursday, December 22, 2011

3 Crazy Ways To Boost Your Immune System

As you know, it's winter. Thanks to the support of corporate advertisements on the media, you also know that everybody gets sick during the winter and therefore you should must buy brand-named tissues with expensive lotion inside of them. Putting those lotion smeared napkins aside, nobody wants to get sick right? Of course! You're a busy guy/gal with things to do and people to see; you don't have time for a nasty cold to punch you in your face when you least expect it. Below, I'm going to give you three "out-of-this-world" methods of boosting your immune system.

Unless they find you beyond this world.

Get Sick More Often

Don't worry, that's no typo. If you want to boost your immune system, don't fall into the social-norm of avoiding as much microbes as possible. Instead, expose yourself to as many diseases (non-fatal ones, obviously) as possible, in order to build up your passive defense. Do you enjoy sanitizing your phones and door knobs every weekend? Of course not! Just don't do it and embrace the disease! It's like taking the disease head-on, to settle the score once and for all.

Depicted: Being weak-sauce.

How does it work? It's as simple as building passive immunity against diseases by allowing yourself to become sick in the first place. Chances are, you're eventually going to fall into the clutches of said disease at one point of your week/month/year/life. Why not take on the disease when your time schedule permits it, therefore allowing you to go to those business meetings meetings on vacation days. Rock on, buddy!

Because we know how much you love work.

Eat Your Nasty, Nasty Nasal Mucus

Hookey smackled pickles! Yeah, I'm being serious. Here's something you've probably never thought of before; why throw away your nasal excrement when you can eat it? While it may sound like a crazy, disgusting, idea, it can actually help you build a passive immunity comparable to a extremely small vaccine given by your doctor. Instead of going to the doctor's office every few months or so to get a horrific shot, you can simply transfer your nose mucus into your gaping mouth hole.

"Care to share some of those delicious nose fluids?"

How does it work? It works in the same manner of a vaccination, only slightly less effective. How a vaccine works is that it exposes you to dead or extremely weak microbes in an attempt for your body to easily destroy the already-weaken disease without a sweat, and thus creating passive immunity in preparation of when the real disease comes strolling by. Guess what's inside of your mucus? Millions of not billions of trapped, dead, or extremely weaken microbes. By simply eating mucus daily, you can expose yourself to thousands of diseases that are trapped in your mucus and slowly build passive immunity over them. (Due to the extremely small amounts in the mucus, it's not a overnight process.)

For more reasons to eat your mucus, please consult this article.

Get Enough Sleep

Woah, this must be the craziest idea on this entire list! Actually, without doing this simple task, any passive immunity you may build up, will be rendered useless. While you may be a busy man/woman with big ties and fancy suitcases, you won't be able to conduct much business if you're incapacitated by horrific diseases. The best thing is, it's as simple as getting a full night's rest.

This dog got the right idea.

How does it work? Sadly enough, one effect of sleep deprivation is a weaken immune system. Any passive immunity that you may have built up throughout your entire life would have been thrown away. You'll have the tools and weapons to combat the intruders, but your troops would be half-awake to do anything about them. Sleep helps regulate, re-coordinate, re-sensitize, and re-balances hormones responsible for keeping your immune system in healthy shape. (Along with hundreds of other things) If you have insufficient sleep, you might as well kiss your immune system good bye and roll in a bunch parasite-infested mud.

"Welcome back, friend."