Monday, December 19, 2011

3 Of The Worst Gifts Ever To Give On Christmas

As you can probably deduce from your cheery surroundings, Christmas is almost here. It's about time to reach deep in your pockets and buy gifts for the people you most care about. But before you pull out those glass pencil holders, allow me to introduce to you, the four worst gifts to ever gift to anyone. (Unless you despise them secretly and you wish to act passive aggressive towards them.)

3. Trinkets At The 99-Cents Store

What's that? A shiny glass pencil holder that I'll probably never use? Gee, thanks, I'll certainly use it- for a week. One thing that people love buying for their friends, co-workers, and even families at last moment occasions are small-to-large, moderately cheap items they find at the local dollar store or grocery store. We've all seen these gifts; they range from pens/pencil holders, elaborate snow globes that are malformed, or even a dozen "business" pens that have ink equivalent to the amount of water on the sun.

Why do they suck? First things first, the fact that you picked up the gift from your local dollar store shows almost no effort in gift buying. Worst yet, the gifts usually cost next to nothing,  usefulness equal to the cost, and physical quality striping any practical use of it. (If you can find any use for it in the first place.)

This, is a fire truck.

2. "Funny" Novelty Gifts

Don't we all have those friends that love practical jokes, and give people "fun" novelty gifts on the holidays for pokes and giggles? Sure you do. But despite the awkward laugh at the initial opening of the gift, that shirt with a sexual orientated joke will probably end up in the bottom drawers or in the garbage.

Why do they suck? Because they're darn embarrassing. When would I ever need to wear a shirt that pokes jokes about my parent's sexual preference for the entire world to see? Other than a few courtesy laughs at the start, these gifts are generally beyond the capacity of normal/daily use and can potentially hit the levels of offensive.

This White-faced Saki just saw your shirt and is now mildly disapproves of you.

1. Suggestive Gifts

Haven't we all been given gifts that point out flaws about our physical and psychological person, and suggests that we fix it or deal with it? Gifts such as stress balls, electronic bathroom scales, self-help books/DVDs, and even subscriptions to weight-loss programs all communicate to the recipient that they have problems.

Why do they suck? Because despite how helpful they may be to the person, the person may/will feel that the gift is a blunt way of saying that they need to lose weight. (If they DO need to lose weight, a private conversation could help just the same) Better yet, the gift giving is usually done publicly and the suggestion of such, is thus publicly implied. (Which is rarely appreciated).

I got you these chattering teeth to suggestively mock society and its current turning point towards becoming indifferent of modern struggles with inaction. Hahahaha, no. I got these to point out how yellow your teeth are. -insert smug smile-