Eddard's Guide to Ostentatious and Sumptuous Words: Romance Edition

That flutter in your chest. The somersaults your stomach does upon occasion. The drool that comes unbidden at the most inopportune times. It can only mean one thing, love. Or like. (Love is intense so for all intent and purposes we'll just say like.) There's a special someone (we'll say a lady) in your sights and you would love (or like) to impress her with your incredible jargon to win her heart. But what ever shall you impress your potential paramour with? "Hi, I like your face.". I guarantee that will not work (maybe from personal experience?). This however is not a guide to smooth talking, but a guide with such smooth words, your stumbly lovesick (or likesick) words will come out like a baby's bottom. Dang, that's smooth. And now, onto five words you can use through different phases of romance!

This could be you

1. Pulchritudinous - physically beautiful; comely - A compliment can work wonders towards building true love (or true like). Your dream-lady is beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, resplendent, dazzling, ravishing, but she's heard all of that before! You need to knock her out (poetically of course) with a compliment so unique and unheard, she'll have no choice but to fall into your arms. In comes pulchritudinous, a collection of words that sounds like lingustical regurgitation but is actually a beautiful compliment that praises any lady.
Side Note: Please also remember to like her for herself, not just her pulchritudinous exterior. Don't be a jerk!

2. Parsimonious - extreme or excessive economy or frugality; stinginess - Did that lovely personality, kindhearted, pulchritudinous girl say yes to a date with you? How auspicious! You may find you may never need to actually use this word, and if you do clearly you've done something very wrong or have spent so much money on the date you can speak as so:

Darla - "Wow, (guy)! You've spent so much money on this date!"
You - "Indeed, no one can call me parsimonious!"

If this conversation happens at all, clearly something is wrong with both of you. Anyhow, keep this word as a reminder to yourself, don't be stingy, but don't go overboard either.

Read more »

Horrifying Tuesday : Giant Water Bugs

It's that time of the week again, Horrifying Tuesday! This week, we're going to talk about the dreaded "Belostomatidae or more commonly known as the giant water bug. However, other than jumping out of the kitchen sink every now and then, what's the big deal? Surely, I'm not going to write ten paragraphs about how disgusting they are, right? But wait a second, I'm not talking about any ordinary water bug, I'm talking about the giant water bug.

"The hat indicates high social class."

Read more »

Is Genetically Modified Food As Bad As We Think?

One of the recent hypes of the last decade was about the consumption of genetically modified food. According to certain people, eating genetically modified food is equal to eating six pounds of pure lard after consuming a entire vat of pure cyanide. Many people have felt strongly that such evil should be erased from the face of the earth and genetically modifying food should be banned indefinitely. But is all the hype true? Should we throw away the test tubes and textbooks and revert back to pushing seeds into the the ground one by one?

No more "science" witchery for us!

Read more »

4 Things That We've Used In The Past That Is Almost Obsolete Today

This article is all about childhood inventions and ideas that dominated the industry, at the time. As we all know, if you can't keep up to the competition, you get stomped out, which is what this article about. Below, you'll find four inventions that was once evident in society, that has become almost obsolete in the modern world.

4. Physical Newspapers

Yep. The idea of getting a paper delivered to your door is slowly fading out as the news is widely available in larger, freer sources. In the past, newspapers were more commonly purchased and used as the sole source of information around the city and around the world. Back in the day, you would simply pick up a newspaper on your way to work, read some articles during your lunch break and toss it in the bin the next morning.

It was the bee's knees.

In the modern age however, instead of getting up a cup of coffee and heading to your front door every morning, you can simply wake up, turn your smart phone on, and check Google News at no cost to you. There's no need to pay a few dollars for a monthly subscription or a few nickels for a issue every day. You can simply go to the same quality newspaper company's website and check out all the new articles free of charge. It's cheaper and more convenient, what else would you want?

The only thing it's good for is arts and crafts

Read more »

3 Reasons Why You Don't Want To Be Homeschooled

Homeschooling is pretty much school at home with good ol' dad or mom. It's pretty much school, but with more freedom right? You can set your own schedule, eat your own lunch, and even go on "school trips" five times a week right?! Doesn't it sound like the best idea since sliced apricots? But before you throw your bookbag out and get ready to beg your parents to be home schooled, lets look at the fine print.

3. Lack Of Personal Space

Think about it for a moment, where is school located now? In your attempts to avoid school as much as possible, you've brought school into your own home. The instant you wake up, "you're in school", there's no physical barrier between an institution for education and the place you watch cartoons and eat cheerios. It would be the equivalent of sleeping over at school everyday until you move out and get a apartment.

Alternatively, you can place peanuts on a stack of one dollar bills.

Instead of being able to "leave" school to a safe, non-educational environment, you'll constantly be in the threshold of "learning". Your parents could pester you to do homework and study for upcoming tests while you sit in the bathroom pretending to use the toilet or during dinner. The same desk you eat your breakfast on, will be the same desk you do "school work" on. The psychological barriers between work and leisure will slowly interlink, creating an environment that will make it extremely difficult to relax, or work.

Read more »