Happy Thanksgiving!

As you may know, tomorrow's Thanksgiving!  A time to give thanks for the things we have and to eat turkey along with miscellaneous other foods, with family! A time for family and friends to come together and binge eat for two to three hours, followed by ten hours of occupied toilets. (I mean, the food's gotta go somewhere, right?)

Well it's not going to digest itself.

For that single reason, we're going to hold off from any articles until the holiday is over so that you can spend more time with your family and less time reading my master-crafted articles that excel any other blog on the internet by yours truly. Am I exaggerating in the slightest?

I knew this image was a keeper!

Anyways, regardless of the amount of food and friends you have around the table tomorrow night, lets remember all the things we've been given to work with in life and give great thanks to whomever has given them to us. Lets not stupid-fy the holiday to simple feast with family, or as a holiday that simply doesn't apply to you since you don't celebrate it with cranberry juice in one hand and a turkey leg in the other. Lets not spend another day of our lives in front of our TV/computer screen and take a moment out of a day to reflect.

Before we let you go back to families and lives, some of you might be wondering what we are thankful for. Well that's none of your business, move along now. Just kidding, simply adjust your eyes slowly towards your nose and scroll down with your mouse until you see inconspicuously placed paragraphs. 

If you see this turkey, you're going in the right direction.

What We're Thankful For:

Eddard:

"Firstly, I'm thankful for having a job. I can have a steady souce of income to carry myself and help out others when necessary as I continue school.

Next, I'm thankful for family and friends who through this past year, I've been able to build deeper relationships with. I've learned a lot about some people and gotten much closer with them, which is very edifying and joyful to become close with them.

Lastyle, I'm thankful for God and the church that I go to which is what really keeps me going a lot of the times where I feel hopeless and lost. The very people I have become close with come from this very church and so I am thankful that it is there for me, both the building and the people."

Norman:

"I'm grateful for the support I've received from this blog. It's hard to put a number, or even words to describe how I feel about the support that I get from this blog. As it started only a few months ago, we've undoubtedly expanded beyond my small social group and we've began to outreach people from around the country, and the world. Regardless of expansion, I wouldn't be writing here today if it wasn't for the comments and kind words I've received about my articles and writings throughout these tough times. It's extremely hard to explain the psychological "lift" that I get after a long day of school and writing from a simple "Hey, nice article."

In a personal note, I'm thankful for all my friends and family that have supported me throughout the year and my overall life. As I've grown and matured in the past few years, I've realized the large contributions people have made in acts of selflessness that have really effected my life and the other people around them. Thinking back, without these specific people who have help shaped me and guided me to who I am today, I would be feel great shame and pity for what I could have become as a result. 

While I'm not the most sociable and pronounced guy in person, I am truly grateful for practically every person I've come across, as they have greatly impacted my life for the better. Some of the people I know that I've yet to thank due to social, physical and emotional barriers, I would like to thank you today. Thank you."

Now that we've told you what we're thankful for, why don't you exchange the favor and tell us what you're thankful for on this faithful day/evening? Don't worry, we won't charge you a dime. (Like we totally used to do.)

Here's a autumn-themed image to lighten the mood. 

Happy Thanksgiving,

Skyakes Staff

3 Men You May Not Know Responsible For Mass Hysteria

Let's get one thing straight here, when I mean Mass Hysteria, I don't mean that these guys were trending on Twitter or had the most Google searches today; I mean thousands of people were driven towards near insanity by their devotion and love of these men. They literally brought people together to be psychotic within close proximity to them without any particular cause or reason besides the fact that they existed. These guys are the bee's knees, not just one bee's, a whole hive's worth of knees. Yup, they're just that darn popular. Anyway, let's jump into it!

Note: To remain unbiased, Norman and I have both excused ourselves from this list. Your mass hysteria about us is very heartening though, so thanks!

1. Franz Liszt - Franz Liszt is perhaps the greatest pianist to ever live, hammering the ivories in the 19th century. A Hungarian, Franz began learning to play piano at the age of seven and it would be this instrument that would be his great success. Franz Liszt lived til seventy four, and while very successful, his personal life held many tragedies in failed romances and the death of his children. However, Franz held the attention of everyone who had ever heard him play. Franz Liszt was known in his time to be brilliant, as so few great people are. He was loved, adored, frenzied over to the point where a phenomenon known as Lisztomania occurred. Franz Liszt in his adept virtuosic playing ability would whip his adoring fans into literal frenzied states. They would rush around him and grab at his clothes. A glove or item of his clothing was a treasure of a lifetime. Women would grab his hair to gain a lock of it, a broken piano string from his often forceful playing from his own frenzy as he played would be asked as a favor. Franz Liszt held everyone captive, yet they were driven to a "veritable insanity" by him. Screaming fans of today's musicians cannot hold a candle towards Franz Liszt, though The Beatles "Beatlemania" and Elvis and his gyrations are more modern and somewhat similar phenomenon.

Go crazy.

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Eddard's Guide to Ostentatious and Sumptuous Words: Boss Edition

Let's face it, you're a boss. You're the man (or woman, we're all about equality within the borders of this land mass), you're the top dog, you're the alpha (fe)male. Well do you talk like a boss? If your conversations end up like this,

Maximilian: The meticulousness of that particular mummer's pantomime was quite galvanizing!
You: Pancakes.

You clearly have some work to do. If you're a boss or aspiring to be one and don't quite have the lexicon to match your stupefying ability to be a boss, have no fear, for Eddard is here to pave you a grammatical road of sheer erudition!

Note: This article applies to both actual bosses and the colloquial version of the word. Oh, Colloquialisms!

1. Paramount - Superior to all others - You are a boss. Normally that means everyone knows you're the man (or woman), but in case some lackwits haven't gotten the message, use paramount to show just how darn important you are. The word paramount exists to show just how good you are because its a word that means you're the best and if you're a boss, it gets no better. Someone is not listening you, lash out at them with paramount and get them to steppin'. Yeah, steppin'.

2. Puissance - Strength, Power - Puissance. It sounds just a bit prissy, doesn't it? That's only because they both have that double s sound, okay?! If you're a boss like me, you've already realized the potency of this word. You as a boss, are puissant. You command with an iron fist, no, a steel fist, no, a fist made of a meteor covered in exploding volcanoes that shoot out flaming diamonds. Yeah, your fist is the bee's knees. More importantly your fist is puissant. Use puissant when you are dared to be questioned or need to show capability. (as though you should have to prove yourself. Such insolence!)

June: I don't want to file your paperwork.
You: Must I prove to you my puissance?!
June: No, please. I love paperwork. I just attended a seminar about paperwork. I have the papers to prove it.

Paperwork done.

Boss Puissance. And you thought puissant was a funny word.

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3 Reasons You Won't Survive War

Welcome to the United States Army, Private. You are now enlisted into an arm of America's military, the gun boys who go out and fight the good fight for the sake of us back home. Ok, you're not really enlisted but hey, I'm a writer, I have to make you feel the illusion of combat boots and sweaty green clothed people right? Moving on from such tasteful images we go to war. War is by all means conflict to resolve strife between two or more opposed sides. And by conflict I mean armed conflict. You think you have what it takes, don't you? You just smoked Spetsnaz in Call of Duty 0.7 seconds ago, no one can stand against your military prowess! Well Colonel Buttkickkillallmasterdeathmachine, let's probe some aspects of why you won't live up to that wonderful name I just gave you.

Note: This article does not apply to Spetsnaz soldiers.

Seriously, Spetsnaz will kill you upside down flying through the air. With a hatchet.

1. You don't know where you are - If you are deployed anywhere that's not your house, will you know what to do? Modern Warfare (oddly enough this next sentence applies to the video game too!) take place in caves, deserts, mountains, all which have hidey holes and are treacherous to climb sans forty pounds of equipment and armed opposition, so how would you fare with all of that then? Your opposition on it's own soil will know exactly where they are, exactly where everything is, where to hide and where to strike. But there is hope! You after all are armed and armored and in any struggle for survival, your body will adapt to win at all costs. Yay, brain function!

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Eddard's Guide to Ostentatious and Sumptuous Words: Romance Edition

That flutter in your chest. The somersaults your stomach does upon occasion. The drool that comes unbidden at the most inopportune times. It can only mean one thing, love. Or like. (Love is intense so for all intent and purposes we'll just say like.) There's a special someone (we'll say a lady) in your sights and you would love (or like) to impress her with your incredible jargon to win her heart. But what ever shall you impress your potential paramour with? "Hi, I like your face.". I guarantee that will not work (maybe from personal experience?). This however is not a guide to smooth talking, but a guide with such smooth words, your stumbly lovesick (or likesick) words will come out like a baby's bottom. Dang, that's smooth. And now, onto five words you can use through different phases of romance!

This could be you

1. Pulchritudinous - physically beautiful; comely - A compliment can work wonders towards building true love (or true like). Your dream-lady is beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, resplendent, dazzling, ravishing, but she's heard all of that before! You need to knock her out (poetically of course) with a compliment so unique and unheard, she'll have no choice but to fall into your arms. In comes pulchritudinous, a collection of words that sounds like lingustical regurgitation but is actually a beautiful compliment that praises any lady.
Side Note: Please also remember to like her for herself, not just her pulchritudinous exterior. Don't be a jerk!

2. Parsimonious - extreme or excessive economy or frugality; stinginess - Did that lovely personality, kindhearted, pulchritudinous girl say yes to a date with you? How auspicious! You may find you may never need to actually use this word, and if you do clearly you've done something very wrong or have spent so much money on the date you can speak as so:

Darla - "Wow, (guy)! You've spent so much money on this date!"
You - "Indeed, no one can call me parsimonious!"

If this conversation happens at all, clearly something is wrong with both of you. Anyhow, keep this word as a reminder to yourself, don't be stingy, but don't go overboard either.

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3 Things We Should Thank The Medieval Times For

Eddard here, so sorry for the delay of posts, I'm sure you missed wise words from me and my oh so clever japes. Japes, a word oft used in medieval times! Well not really, Old English which was common in the early Middle Ages actually did not have the letter J. Also to clear any confusion of the title of this post, I am not talking about the lovely dinner and show affair that is Medieval Times, but boy, do I wish I was, I mean it's only the greatest thing ever, guys beating each other with weaponry, sheer joy!

Anyway back to the important stuff; the Medieval Times, we owe them a lot. We wouldn't even have the concept of romantic love without those lovey dovey knights being ever so gallant towards fair maidens. (Another side note, romantic love did not arise from gallant knights, don't go telling your friends I told you that, however, the rest is totally true. Totally.) So, onto the list of things we take for granted, but were totally amazing several centuries ago!

And you thought Go Fish was fun!

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The Victory That Is... Pie

Did you say cake? Pish posh! You might as well feed me a sugary sponge! Well whatever shall I enjoy then as a delightful dessert to tickle my stomach fluids? Why pie of course! From the simplicity of apple pie to the decadence of pecan, pie is the multifaceted food of your life, and your future...

I know, your head just exploded. Then it reformed and ate this.

So, why pie? Is it time for a list? Yes, I'll take one please, hold the whipped cream.

1. Pie is delicious - Does this even need describing? Pies are like supermodels, except if you eat them it's morally okay. They are filled with amazing things like blueberries, sugar, fairies, custard and fairies. Well, maybe not the latter, but the rest is definitely there.

2. Pie is universal - You can eat pie for breakfast. You can it eat it for lunch. You can eat it for dinner. You can eat it for dessert. You can eat it for a 2am snack. You can eat it for second breakfast. "But wait Eddard, I don't like Mississippi Mud Pie for breakfast! I want sausages and eggs!" Guess what? You can put that in a pie. I repeat you can put that in a pie. Holy moley. There are so many more types of pies than sweet ones, Steak and Kidney pie, Shepherd's pie, Chicken pot pie, the possibilities are endless. Cake, that's just sweet, and sweet is for nincompoops. (Yes pies can be sweet, no you are not a nincompoop for liking them, no more questions about this)

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Five Words To Use To Instantly Make You Sound Intelligent At Anything

1."I ain't feelin so up ter goin to the discotheque this night."
2."I am not so moved as to enjoy our usual avocation upon this eve, perhaps a fortnight from now?"

Wouldn't you confess that the first is an utter asinine use of the English language, as well as it sounding distinctly dripping of an ignorant impudence?! (Except for the use of discotheque, that word is the definition of elegance and class.) Perhaps you may even be thinking "Oh no, I talk like that!" Not to worry, for Eddard's guide to Ostentatious and Sumptuous Words is here to help! Here lies five choice words of uncommon yet exquisite English jargon for your use to instantly brighten the room and your intelligence! Boom.

But first, people enjoying a discotheque

1. Garrulous - Definition: excessively talkative in a rambling, roundabout manner, especially about trivial matters
Have a chatty special someone who just won't quite fasten their oral cavity? Call them garrulous! In a very kind and sneaky fashion of course, like so: Marty, you know you are such a garrulous guy sometimes. Poor Marty will think this is most probably synonymous to hilarious because Marty does believe he is the funniest man upon this terrene. Everyone around you and Marty will also laugh, because they too do not know the meaning of the word. Unless you, Marty, and the arbitrary crowd of onlookers all attend Harvard. Instead try loquacious, that one works in a pinch just as well.

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Doing your dishes the right way

I have only ever met one person on this lovely planet who enjoys doing dishes, and she is a weird little person. Dishes are the bane of many a man's (or monkeys, they may do dishes too, don't be a species-ist) existence; They are disgusting, they are sticky, they smell terrible, they contain the remnants of your Auntie Muriel's three bean meat surprise casserole, oh, and you get to clean all of them! Might as well change your name to Lucky. Anywho, you want to be done as soon as humanly (again with humans, we need words that incorporate animals, like turtlely, or snail.) possible. And here are the ace ways to do it. Oh, one more thing, dishwashers are cheating.

I don't think I need to describe what's happening here.

1. Use soap that cuts grease - You clean dishes with soap (and if you don't, please do not clean my salad bowl with that shoe you found on the corner), but you need the right soap. Hand washing soap, standard cleaning soap or lotion infused lavender lathers will not be as effective as a dish washing, grease cutting soap, such as Dawn. This will allow you to rub down dishes effectively without too much effort to remove that delectable cheese sauce.

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Elevator Etiquette

The 45th floor is your destination. You are on the first floor. Stairs, anybody? Five hundred steps and you've arrived at that very important thing you had to do quite sweaty! Is that any way to make a good impression? Thankfully, buildings of such magnitude contain the modern marvel that is elevators. A moderately sized rectangular prism specifically designed for your vertical aspirations. Away we go upon this mystical contraption, along with 53.8 other people crammed into the 4 by 4 foot space. So, how does one act while crushed against a mailman, the guy from your middle school, and the one that ate garlic for breakfast. To the list!

What you'll look like if you take the stairs.

1. Smile, inwardly and outwardly - If you are the first on the elevator, smile at anyone who makes eye contact. It instantly relieves tension, and yes, there can be a lot of tension in that tiny cube of ascension. If you enter with others on it, smile if they look at you. This can be a great way to make conversation. Keep an inward smile, be positive if someone enters the elevator, as happy or unhappy as they seem. If anything, a smile will unwind everyone, unless they like frowning. Then they will hate you.

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