About You

A post dedicated about you, the reader? Why that's just preposterous! This post isn't about you specifically; So you can calm down about me revealing that secret about that time you soiled your pants before recital and I covered for you. That's between us. This article is pretty much, the collective information I have about all my readers. So don't worry, I don't know where you keep your "secret pictures".

"I better move these files anyways, just in case."

According to my statistics, 44% of you use Chrome! Saaay what? You could say that Google is really getting ahead in the 'browser' competition. How about the rest? The number two competitor, is 24% with Internet Explorer. Come on guys, step into the future. Scratch that, the present. At very least, I hope you're using Internet Explorer 9. Because if I find our that you're still using that old 1873 era browser, I will find you.

"Oh really?"

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How to Annoy All of Your Friends on Facebook

Facebook? A book in which exquisite faces are placed in alphabetic order based on their series of letters that identify them as a individual? What great luck! Facebook has over 750 million users, and if you're reading this, you're probably a part of that population.

Statistically, average people have 130 friends in total. That's a bit too much right? Who needs a hundred thirty people who like you? Below, I'll help you "cut the fat" from you long friends list. Perhaps by the end of the month, you'll have more enemies then friends; That's when life really gets interesting.

•  Post like you're on twitter. Post status updates no less then once every hour. Everyone needs to know where you are and what you're doing, even if you're just brushing your teeth. If you found a song you like, or farted briefly, feel free to share it with the rest of the world.
• Post links, songs, stories, pictures on your profile frequently. Also, try to make status updates with philosophical truths you've found on the internet, and/or discovered yourself recently. Here are some examples:
• "Earth is only a speck in the universe"
• "We are essentially useless"
• "We can't change the past, so look towards the future"

You'll instantly look like this towards your peers.

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