Eddard's Guide to Ostentatious and Sumptuous Words: Boss Edition

Let's face it, you're a boss. You're the man (or woman, we're all about equality within the borders of this land mass), you're the top dog, you're the alpha (fe)male. Well do you talk like a boss? If your conversations end up like this,

Maximilian: The meticulousness of that particular mummer's pantomime was quite galvanizing!
You: Pancakes.

You clearly have some work to do. If you're a boss or aspiring to be one and don't quite have the lexicon to match your stupefying ability to be a boss, have no fear, for Eddard is here to pave you a grammatical road of sheer erudition!

Note: This article applies to both actual bosses and the colloquial version of the word. Oh, Colloquialisms!

1. Paramount - Superior to all others - You are a boss. Normally that means everyone knows you're the man (or woman), but in case some lackwits haven't gotten the message, use paramount to show just how darn important you are. The word paramount exists to show just how good you are because its a word that means you're the best and if you're a boss, it gets no better. Someone is not listening you, lash out at them with paramount and get them to steppin'. Yeah, steppin'.

2. Puissance - Strength, Power - Puissance. It sounds just a bit prissy, doesn't it? That's only because they both have that double s sound, okay?! If you're a boss like me, you've already realized the potency of this word. You as a boss, are puissant. You command with an iron fist, no, a steel fist, no, a fist made of a meteor covered in exploding volcanoes that shoot out flaming diamonds. Yeah, your fist is the bee's knees. More importantly your fist is puissant. Use puissant when you are dared to be questioned or need to show capability. (as though you should have to prove yourself. Such insolence!)

June: I don't want to file your paperwork.
You: Must I prove to you my puissance?!
June: No, please. I love paperwork. I just attended a seminar about paperwork. I have the papers to prove it.

Paperwork done.

Boss Puissance. And you thought puissant was a funny word.

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Eddard's Guide to Ostentatious and Sumptuous Words: Romance Edition

That flutter in your chest. The somersaults your stomach does upon occasion. The drool that comes unbidden at the most inopportune times. It can only mean one thing, love. Or like. (Love is intense so for all intent and purposes we'll just say like.) There's a special someone (we'll say a lady) in your sights and you would love (or like) to impress her with your incredible jargon to win her heart. But what ever shall you impress your potential paramour with? "Hi, I like your face.". I guarantee that will not work (maybe from personal experience?). This however is not a guide to smooth talking, but a guide with such smooth words, your stumbly lovesick (or likesick) words will come out like a baby's bottom. Dang, that's smooth. And now, onto five words you can use through different phases of romance!

This could be you

1. Pulchritudinous - physically beautiful; comely - A compliment can work wonders towards building true love (or true like). Your dream-lady is beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, resplendent, dazzling, ravishing, but she's heard all of that before! You need to knock her out (poetically of course) with a compliment so unique and unheard, she'll have no choice but to fall into your arms. In comes pulchritudinous, a collection of words that sounds like lingustical regurgitation but is actually a beautiful compliment that praises any lady.
Side Note: Please also remember to like her for herself, not just her pulchritudinous exterior. Don't be a jerk!

2. Parsimonious - extreme or excessive economy or frugality; stinginess - Did that lovely personality, kindhearted, pulchritudinous girl say yes to a date with you? How auspicious! You may find you may never need to actually use this word, and if you do clearly you've done something very wrong or have spent so much money on the date you can speak as so:

Darla - "Wow, (guy)! You've spent so much money on this date!"
You - "Indeed, no one can call me parsimonious!"

If this conversation happens at all, clearly something is wrong with both of you. Anyhow, keep this word as a reminder to yourself, don't be stingy, but don't go overboard either.

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