Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts
Sunday, June 26, 2011

Bullet Eating : America's Next Problem

"Would eating a ballistic projectile prove to be beneficial to my health?"

In theory, no. In practice, you should be put in the loony bin for even asking that question. Attempting to digest a ballistic projectile of any caliber can prove to be fatal in both obvious and un-obvious ways. 

Despite common misconceptions, eating ballistic projectiles does NOT prove to help lose weight. Many health blogs and online advertisements have advocated the oral use of bullets in order to decrease body weight, and increase self-esteem. These "blogs" and advertisements claim that the bullet's commonly contained metal "lead" and a mystery solid have had various health benefits lenient towards weight lost and increase sense of well-being.

It's un-American I tell you!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Benefits of Eating Breakfast

If some of you've noticed, I've been talking about the "greatness" of eating breakfast, but I haven't actually given any reasons why, other then its deliciousness. It's no longer cool to show-off by saying "I didn't eat breakfast today, I must be pretty hardcore since I have so much self-will to keep on pushing!", because in reality you're saying "Wow, I'm pretty darn stupid, look at me, I don't eat things, look how confident I am, you should applaud and worship me, also I am dying."

Eating breakfast increases your metabolism. What does that mean? It means your body burns more calories to maintain itself. Skipping breakfast makes your body go into a "OH NO! THERE IS NO MORE FOOD IN THE WORLD! CONSERVE EVERYTHING!" mode, in which you burn calories naturally slower. If you eat breakfast, your body goes in a "Plenty of food to go around, use as much as you need -insert shades-" mode. So if you're trying to lose weight, eating breakfast might actually help you out in the long run, as long as exercise goes along with it.

More energy. Why would you want to feel more energized and feel able to do things? Wouldn't we all rather slump around like zombies doing our work at a full 25 percent? Go on, skip breakfast, I insist. When you eat food in general, it's energy and resources for your body, if you skip it, your body won't be able to run at 100%, you'll be dumber and weaker.