4 Ways To Avoid Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's is one of the most common form of dementia in the world today. Over 26 million people worldwide have been diagnosed with this disease and considering that it's currently irreversible and incurable, it's practically a death sentence for the people who receive the news. To make things more tangible, people generally live seven more years after their diagnosis of AD and after a certain stage, the procedures for "care giving" is simply to relieve discomfort until death. With Alzheimer's being such a serious complication, we suggest that you read the following timeline before death for the sake of knowledge and then continuing to the rest of the article.

Stage 1: Normal Function

This stage is pretty much as it sounds, your memory and cognitive abilities are only as limited as you've trained them. Considering that Alzheimer's is usually diagnosed at around the age of 65, you still have your whole life ahead of you if you're young.

Stage 2: Very Minor Impairment

Technically, this is the first stage of the Alzheimer's progression. At this stage, the person will only experience minor memory lapses and small everyday confusion. It's nearly impossible to detect Alzheimer's at this stage since the only symptoms can easily be mistaken for stress or sleep deprivation. Considering how minor they are, you'll hardly notice them; it could be as simple as those short lapses you get when you enter a room, or even which cabinet you keep you bowls in.

Stage 3: Minor Impairment

At this point, your confusion and forgetfulness may have increased by a few folds. By now, it would be visibly noticeable to the people around you that you've been becoming increasingly forgetful/confused. At stage 3, it's probable that you'll have slight difficulty remembering new things that you've just learned, such as names and words. (It could be as simple as stuttering for about three seconds while trying to recall a person's name) along with trouble organizing and planning for the future.

While possible, it is still difficult to detect AD at this stage.

Stage 4: Mild Impairment

By now, the clear-cut symptoms of Alzheimer's would be evident. Instead of simply forgetting a new person's name, you may/will suffer from moderate cognitive decline. Things such as managing money, planning a crazy retirement party or even recalling events that happened hours to days ago will become increasingly difficult. (Or at the very least, more difficult than before) At this stage, some people may become increasingly moody and emotional when in socially or mentally demanding situations. This stage is also called "early-stage Alzheimer's Disease".

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How to Avoid Spiked Drinks

Good job, you've just finished college and you're graduating at the top of your school! You've been invited to make a speech at a prestigious award ceremony at the White House and it's only about six hours away! So you go the bar, and some of your arch-nemesis follow you along and using your keen hearing, you eavesdrop them talking about spiking your drink in order to make you"unavailable" for the speech in an attempt to ruin your future career. So what do you do? Do you turn around, throw a glass of liquor at them, charge and grab their arms and legs, flip them over onto the tables, then wrestle knives out of their hands, and force them to either let go of the knife, or slit their own throat, or do you keep a "keener" eye out for your foes?

He'll be impressed. Also, dead.

In a "legal-er" sense, lets just keep a keen eye on them; saying that you eavesdroped on a conversation about spiking your drink won't stand well in court against four mutilated bodies with at least twenty witnesses on scene, two security camera footage, and sixteen camera phone recordings.

• Prefer unopened cans and bottles. Try not to accept any unopened cans or bottles from anyone. If you're going to have anyone open your cans or bottles, have it done in front of you, by a trusted friend, bartender, waiter, or waitress.
• Note strange tasting or discolored drinks. From your extensive career in drinking fluids, you should be able to tell the difference between a normal coke/pepsi and a purple-colored cyanide concoction. Note that many "date-rape" drugs are usually colorless, odorless, and tasteless.
• Always keep your eye(s) on your drink. They can't sneak anything funny in your drink if you stare intently at it for sixteen hours straight. At the very least, keep your drink in front of you all times.
• Don't leave your drinks unattended. Don't go off to the little boys room every six minutes and leave your drink unattended for anyone to insert anything into your drink.
• Don't share drinks. Even with trusted friends. For all you know, someone could be trying to rape your foolish, careless friends, only to have you drink the spiked drink in a frenzy of sharing.
• Examine your drink before drinking. If you see unusual bubbling, fizzling, or even half-dissolved pills in the bottom of your drink, don't drink it. Perhaps you left it on the counter, does it look tampered with? Did someone move your cup slightly to the right, or adjust your straw?
• Keep your palm over the open side of your cup. Don't hold it like a hipster with your hands on the sides, hold it with your hand on top. With your hand on top, it'll suddenly become a hundred times harder to sneak anything into your drinks while you are holding it. (When you're getting drunk, your alertness will suffer, during this time, someone could excrete feces into your cup without you knowing.)*
• Go to bars with friends. Not only does this result in a good game of beer pong, but having someone watching your back, makes it harder to kidnap you.

*experiences vary

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How to Avoid Imminent Death From Flying Debris

Does your family have a close relationship with early death by flying debris? If you answered yes, then you should laugh! Then put on your serious face, because things just got serious. You never know when your time's come to die immediately from flying debris. You could be on your way to work, when suddenly a flying tree branch smacks you hard on the right side of your face, effectively cracking your neck and leaving your lifeless cold corpse on the sidewalk.

An army of possibility..

In theory, any flying object can be classified as flying debris, so that ranges from a coffee mug, to your great uncle Tim. So that means, keep an eye on your surroundings, you never know what a tornado, hurricane, or some freak storm could pick up and throw directly towards you.

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How to Avoid Acne

So it's your big day, the day has arrived, time to get in that suit and take your date to the prom. Wicked smokes of witchery! You look in the mirror, and you see a 2 by 2 centimeter pimple on your forehead. We must return back to time in order to make sure it never happened!

-Insert time traveling music here-

So now that we've reached the past, we must ensure this never happened! -Laughs and twirls mustache-

1. Wash your face two times a day. Why? To clean out those evil bacterias, viruses and oils! Also, don't over-wash your face, if you do your body will overcompensate the missing oils.
2. Change your pillow casing. Yep, sleeping is a factor too. Instead of giving up sleep altogether, change your pillow casing to avoid oil/dirt/organisms from building up on it.
3. Basically, anything that touches your face should be cleaned. They build up oil/dirt/organisms that will attempt to ruin your day, nasty buggers eh? For example, a phone or a bluetooth.
4. Wash your hands. That's right, "you nasty!" In all seriousness though, your hands go around all day touching door knobs, stair railings, toilet flushing handles, who knows what you touch.
5. Calm down. When you're under stress it might lead to a break-out.
6. Wash your hair! Oil in your hair may touch your skin (Highly likely) and clog up some of your pore's leading to deat-, acne.
7. If you do get a pimple, don't touch it, don't pop it. You can, no, will spread the already clogged pore's oil all over your face. Unless you can microscopically remove every oil molecule then rub your greasy paws all over it, otherwise, don't touch it.

Following these basic tips I have suggested, you might avoid a breakout of acne. If you're a teenager, take a deep breath and accept the reality that you will eventually get a pimple or two.

Don't you want to just hit that smug oil-producing factory?!

Protip: The most important of all of the tips, is to not touch your gosh darn face.