4 Tips On Surviving Prison

Ever wonder what you would do if you were sentenced to jail for a un-specified amount of time? Well worry not! We've wondered the same things you've wondered in the past wonderment of wondering. Thanks to our grueling hours of research, you can now learn four lessons of prison, before you get there! Don't worry about paying us back, we'll put it on your tab.

4. Never become indebted to anyone

Let's say that you just got sentenced to jail for money laundering and you get off the prison bus with a confident mind set and rushing adrenaline in your veins. You stroll into the jail and the first guy you meet offers you a calming box of cigarettes and/or some naughty magazines to help you get on your feet. Isn't that nice? Maybe jail isn't that bad after all? Maybe these inmates are excited to meet you and become friends to help you get back on your feet and back home in one piece?

Pictured: Jail

Chances are, they're trying to take advantage of you. After accepting the item or service they offered for "free", they may come back later for a favor or task to make you both "even". If you refuse, they'll have a justified reason to beat you up every day until you can cough out the dough. This trick is extremely common for many first-time prisoners that have yet to learn the ropes and cogs of the prison social structure and economy. After becoming indebted to someone without the ability to pay them back, you'll be lucky to simply be beaten up. You never know they if take you as the payment (or until you can make the payment) and use you for sexual favors or "sell" you to other more ambitious inmates.

With that in mind, never gamble in prison. While you may have had a hot streak in that casino back in 09', if you find yourself unable to pay for your gambling bills, you won't simply receive a stern notice from the casino. Instead, prisoners will do practically anything to get the money you owe them. But on the other hand, if you're an expert card player, you should avoid gambling even more than before. If you start winning like it's your birthday, they may suspect you of cheating and beat the crap out of you and steal your money. You never know.

Unless "winning like it's your birthday" means going broke after five minutes to you.

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4 Suggestions To Pull Off The Perfect Crime

While we don't endorse crime, haven't we all thought, "Hey, I wonder how I would pull off the perfect murder" or "Wow, that criminal's stupid, I would have totally done it this way" at one point of our lives? Of course! Can't blame you! But before you stroll around like the perfect criminal, why don't you read some of the following suggestions to help you pull off the perfect crime? Ahem, I mean "business meeting". Pull off the perfect "business meeting".

"Business meeting"

4. Go With Generics

You know those people that dress for murder? Those people are probably already in jail right now, so lets completely disregard them. One of the first things you can before you plan to rob a store or murder someone is, make sure that none of your tools or possessions can link you to the crime. 

When collecting evidence, forensic scientists classify evidence as either individualized evidence or class evidence. Individualized evidence directly links a specific person to a crime while class evidences only narrows down the possible suspects to a specific group or "class" of people. Wouldn't it be better if any evidence found in the crime scene can only link people with Nike shoes to the crime scene to opposed to people with hand-crafted shoes made out of extremely rare material only found from a specific region of the world?

If you're a horse, then you're on your own.

When purchasing clothing and tools to commit a crime, it's generally better to use 'new' and extremely common clothing and tools in order to increase the possible suspects of a crime, therefore reducing the chance of being caught red-handed the instant you leave the crime scene. Using 'new' generic items also assists your cause because any scuff marks on the "item" can make that item individualized evidence. For example, if you have a giant cut in the sole of your left shoe, your shoe print will mark out that special cut in extreme detail for your criminal investigators.

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