Six Reasons To Not Piss Off Telemarketers

Haven't we all had that awkward feeling during the afternoon, when a telemarketer calls you and asks if you're satisfied with medical insurance the fifth time in the past two hours? Don't we all feel like threatening his children and family with very harsh sadistic words after the fourth call? Although in a usual case I would help you track down and kidnap the Telemarketer's children, this time we're going to look at reasons to spare his family and house at expense of a "humane" approach.

*Insert loud explosions here*

Now that I have your attention, allow us to break dance to extreme rock music look at reasons not to murder the person on the other side of the line after they've called us multiple times about our life insurance. Instead of smart remakes like "You're going to be the one that needs life insurance if you keep calling me." Lets reason our way out of manslaughter.

Because once you're in jail, everybody rapes you.

1. They're humans too. Contrary to popular belief, it's actually a human behind the phone. A human with the same problems you have, they've got bills to pay, medications to take, children to take care of, and plans to retire. 

Telemarketers are basically "telephone marketers", or "telephone salesmen". If a businessman pestered you to buy a car in real life, would you curse Bloody Mary at them in front of everyone around you? It's the same thing with "internet bullies", since it's over the internet, it feels like they cannot physically harm you and you might feel "safe" to say almost anything you want. Which brings me to my next point.

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Horrifying Thursday : Skull Spider

As some of you might have noticed, I missed yesterdays "Horrifying Wednesday". My excuse is that I was in such a stage of shock from last weeks topic, I was unable to come up with something to top our previous "candidate". In both a positive and negative way, I believe I've topped it.*

While this insect won't be leaping into your body and try to eat your flesh, it'll still be pretty sickening. If you have arachnophobia, you might want to look away and hide in a box for exactly sixty-two seconds.

A box, already in a corner. You're half way there.

Within the name, we already have a scary concept, is it a human skull walking around on eight legs trying to attack you? Hopefully not. The Skull Spider is also nicknamed "Daddy Long-legs". That should probably hit a few light bulbs of this horrifying creature in your head from your nightmares. Because it should, it should.

But probably not as horrifying as clowns.

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3 Foods You'll Never Afford

In this time of age, if your car isn't plated with pure gold, then you're practically equivalent to a homeless man. Foods are no different, if you're not eating ice cream with emeralds, then you must be eating dried mud cakes. I mean, what's the point of continued existence if you aren't eating a middle classes year wage for brunch?

Almas Caviar

Almas Caviar is probably one of the most expensive foods you can possibly buy. This magical food comes from Iran and the only known place that sells it is in London, England and since they are the only ones that sell it, they can do pretty much do any gosh darn thing they want.

As a short history lesson, Caviar used to be "peasants" food but as we all know, has taken a turn in the present time period. As lobster used to be like "cockroaches" of the sea, Caviar was considered food for the low class. Why? Possibly because this exclusive food is in laymen's terms, processed, salted, internal ovaries or eggs. (Non-fertilized of course, otherwise you'll have little hatching baby fishes going about everywhere.)

It's like pearls made out of dead baby fishes! Wonderful!  

As I've said before the only place that sells "Almas Caviar" is in London, England, and is called "Caviar House &  Prunier in London England's Picadilly". (Because when you sell the world's most expensive anything, you can pretty much get away with naming your store anything.)

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5 Reasons Why Summer Sucks

Summer sucks and once we get past the "No School" deal-a-roo, summer blows. Summer is the hottest time in the year, making it one of the most uncomfortable times of the year. Who enjoys being uncomfortable? A raise of hands? Put those hands down.

Pictured: Standard Summer

• Summer is Hot. Yep, did you know that? For some strange reason, summer is closely related to the temperature "hot". 
• Warm weather causes one of the most common reactions towards heat, sweat. I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy being covered in sticky, smelly sweat from head to toe from just sitting in a chair. What's that? Why don't I use an air conditioner? Not everyone has the luxury of flipping one on at demand. Air conditioners don't get paid and powered by good wishes and happiness, they get paid but hard-worked cash. Sorry for the news.
• What would the blistering sun do to us? Death. You can literally pass out from heat exhaustion. The temperature ranging from 70s-100s don't help that much in this situation either. Remember to drink plenty of water boys and girls.
• Longer days. With the sun beating down at us from almost six AM, to eight PM, that's a full fourteen hours of pure sunlight squeezing the liquid goodness out of our bodies. Sure you'll have more time to 'play' outside, but is it worth the residual heat remaining on the earth while you sleep? If you can afford to use a air conditioner, the increased amount of daylight may affect your sleeping cycle in various minor to major ways.

KILL IT WITH FIRE.

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Tips On Cooling Your Mouth After Eating Spicy Foods

I know at one point on our lives, we've all eaten extremely spicy foods in till manly tears flowed down our cheeks. No more! Instead of holding back your tears, you'll be holding in your constipated feces from all the delicious foods you'll be enjoying.

What makes a average pepper become fear itself, is the chemical Capsaicin. When the chemical is ingested, it triggers the pain receptors in the mouth and indicates "heat". The body reacts in the same fashion if you were to put fire under your arm; Your body would kicks up adrenaline, increases heart rate, and perspire, except for the burning arm part.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Despite Capsaicin having about a hundred hardcore uses such as pepper spray, riot control, possible prostate cancer treatment, and other such uses; This post is about soothing your mouth after eating ten too many spicy tacos.

Capsaicin is not water-soluble therefore, water alone won't stop the spicy burn from leaving your mouth. Fluids such as water may actually move some of the Capsaicin around making the burn slightly more intense after you swallow or spit out the water. Thankfully, Capsaicin is fat-soluble which allows substances such as milk to help 'soothe'  the burn.

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